Fine, So I’m Not a Very Nice Witch
Everybody
has a holier-than-thou friend or, in my case, a witchier-than-all acquaintance. My pain
in the ass friend almost visited me yesterday. She wanted to see my writing studio and bring me a house warming
gift—I’m so blessed, aren’t I?
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So… she
brought me five plants. Tomato, pepper, beet, eggplant, and—are you ready for
this?—broccoli.
Let me
explain some things. My writing studio is a 28’ x 13’ half cellar with four 24”
windows that bring in very little light. My brightest window is in the
bathroom. Go ahead, chuckle, it is kind of funny.
“Um…
Witchier-Than-All,” I asked, “where did you find a broccoli plant this time of
year?”
She
beamed (I know this is a cliché, but the triumphant light that bathed her
features could only be compared to a kind of psychotic beaming). “I got them
online,” she told me. “I ordered too many, and I figured you could use some. You are always
talking about how growing things is good for the planet and for the pocket.”
I
blinked. “How much did your pocket spent on this?” I pointed at the poor little
plants, which I noticed were wilting in the trunk of her car.
“That’s
not the point.” The beam was replaced by a hastily camouflaged scowl. “What
counts is that I’m being good to the Great Mother, and I’m bringing living
things into my life. I thought you were a nice Witch, and you would—”
“Look,”
I said. Okay, I probably yelled it. She was getting loud and I had to talk
over her ranting. “It’s not that I don’t like the plants; I love them. The thing is that I don’t
have the space or the light to give these plants a good home. I won’t accept
them just to see them die. They would do much better with you or someone who
can care for them.”
“I
don’t even know why I tried. Everybody in the coven said you weren’t a real
Witch or a nice person.” With that, she slammed the trunk, got in her Prius hybrid, and drove
away. She never made it into my writing studio. Thank gods!
I walked to my writing studio, thinking, fine,
so I’m not a very nice Witch; not when being one means compromising my common
sense. I miss having a kitchen garden. I love my dragon’s blood plant, and
the bamboo and philodendron I grow in a pot and a jar, respectively. They know
it, too, for I often tell them how much I wish they had green kin that
didn’t mind sharing their bits with my tummy.
But
being a Witch is much more than having an altar, burning candles, and
surrounding oneself with greenery. It is to have enough insight to understand
that good witchery doesn’t involve a one-size-fits-all mentality. The same goes
for how we express environmental consciousness—by we, I mean me, and maybe Polgara, too.
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| “Until a person learns to laugh at himself, though, his life will be a tragedy – at least that’s the way he’ll see it.” Polgara the Sorceress by David Eddings |
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